Giving In & Letting Go...How to Open Yourself Up to Possibilities in Healing

I've been thinking about the importance of some of the crap we humans have to endure and survive lately. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. People who play by the rules. People who say please and thank you. People that just do good and are good. I mean, honestly, don't we all find it crazy making to witness lightning striking in the path of good people.

Yet...does lightning ever ask?
Or does it just strike?

Good people, bad people. It strikes us all. It's simply a part of life, like it or not.

And we could willy-nilly go on accepting that lightning will strike us and those we know at random times during our life. For the most part, I think we all do just accept it and move on. Except when the big ones hit. Then we want to know why. Demand to know why. To what end did this happen? How does something bad happening to someone good fit in the grand scheme of things?

Because, honestly, humanly, horrible things happening to anyone doesn't seem to make any sense...

Only, once we start down the worn road of questioning the Universe, this Great Mystery we call life, it's easy to get bogged down in the wondering and the why'ing. How on Earth are we to think positively - or better yet, find a way to accept and move on - from the lightning that strikes in our lives and in the lives of those we know and love?

This is the main ingredient I've been chewing on lately. Do we just dwell in the darkness of the why's? Because that's easy to do. Forget life. Forget God. Forget ever breaking back into the light. I know. I've been there. Seen many people I know and love get stuck.

Yet, and this might be a stretch for some, but....there's something to having the unthinkable happen to you. Forget all the, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger/weirder," sayings. What I'm talking about it is much greater. And can help you live through and move on along your healing journey.

You just have to do One. Hard. Impossible. Thing.

Give in.

Give in to the possibility that it - everything - is meant to be. Meant to happen.

I've always believed everything happens for a reason. That belief came after a few big booming lightning strikes took me out of the game for a few years (aka, a decade). To bounce back from them, there was one sure fire way to get back into living and loving life.

BY GIVING IN.

Give in to the possibility that what happened, happened for a purpose...

This can be a hard concept to accept. Why? Because to do so, you have to do one more impossibly hard thing.

LET GO.

Let go of your own concept of what life is.
Let go of who you think is in charge.
Let go of the could-have-been's in your life.

There comes a time - and sometimes, many times - in our lives that we are presented with a notion, a thought, an arbitrary line of thinking, that maybe, just maybe, things could have been different. Life - its ups and down, its challenges, its crosses to bear - could have been different. Would have been.

If only I had made that one choice differently...things would have turned out, different.

Let Go.

Let go of the past. Let go of the could have been... Let go.

and

Give In.

Give in to the notion that something great can and will come of this.

I know. This took me years to accept, discover. Sometimes, it's insanely hard to fathom something good coming out of something bad.

Yet...

The only way to find light in darkness - no matter the saturation- is to let go of the darkness. Let go of the wondering, the why'ing. Why me? Why now? Why? Why? Why? If you don't let go, then questions and worry will be all you ever have. All that will ever be brought to you.

What you put out into the Universe, the Universe sends back to you.

If you let go and give in, something extraordinary will happen. It can happen right away...or it can happen years from now. And that's what may be the hardest thing about letting go: the unknown. You don't know what's going to come of this. Or when. Or how.

Scary.

But you can do it. Let go...

Of your frustrations.
Of your worry.
Of your hope.

Yes, that too. If you're always looking down a path, straining to see the light, hoping you won't miss it, you might not see something glistening off to the side.

So, let go.

And give in.

Give in to any and all possibility. The answer you want, crave, need, may not ever come in the form you desire. That's the importance of letting go; let go of ALL your expectations.

We don't know why bad things happen to us. To anyone. But they are a part of life. By being giving in and letting go, we can help facilitate the healing that is all important to our life and well being.

So, that's your homework. Two really simple impossible things to do...that I know you can do:

1. Let Go.
2. Give in.


Peace be with you, now and always,
Lia Mack

What are Body Memories? And How to Heal Them....

Recently I was invited to be a guest blogger at www.survivormanual.com. My superhero, Angela Shelton, asked me to write up an article. And whenever any of your superheros call on you, you answer! And with a smile :)

And a big ol'goofy grin it was. I have so so missed writing. Anything! It was so relaxing, better than a spa relaxing, to get the draft going, run some research, edit, edit and edit again.

And, what do you know? It's NANOMO again!!! :) That's right - National Novel Writing Month. I've participated the last three years and it's been exhilarating, crazy making fun. This year I'm concentrating on getting back into the grove, though. Not over doing it. That's why I was so thankful that cape-wearing Angela Shelton gave me a ring...eh, email ;). Something simple to get the fingers moving again.

Although, body memories are anything but simple.

Check out the article on The Survivor Manual if you get a chance. Pass it along to anyone out there that may benefit from such a great resource.

And I'm Back...Tangents And All

HELLO OUT THERE!

So long I've been gone, no?

Lots to talk about, lots of lost time. I stopped writing - blogging, noveling, everything - back in May because, well, let's face it. The ol'brain just wasn't workin' right ;) And I winky-smile after saying that because, well, let's face it. If you can't smile, what's the point?

;)

So, what's new... Well, I've got the house almost to myself right now, and it's silent! Two in school, three taking a nap. The hubby wanted me to brine a whole chicken over night and roast it for dinner, so that's about to get going into the oven. Who ever heard of brining a chicken for 24 hours, I don't know...but I guess I left the TV on the Food Network channel and when Mr. Hubby turned it on to watch football over the weekend...well, let's just say his tummy was inspired.

How many times can I say, "well, let's just say" in a blog post? ;)

I'll stop with the repetition with that one, but not the winky-winks. I'm a winker. A flirt. Got to wink. Got to be comical. Got to be sweet. That's me ;)

Back in High School - in southern Italy, no less - I was called just that. "The Flirt"...as if there weren't any others out there sashaying it up in the halls (well, hall. The school was so small, we only had one hall. 25 people in my graduating class! We were like family...still are! :)

And I'm back...tangents and all.

So, I was "The Flirt" and I loved all the attention that I got from just being me. I know I had no intention on being a flirt, I just love life! I love hanging out with people, no matter who - guys, girls, geeks, greeks - and I think that's where the nickname conjured up from. I didn't live in a clique. I cliqued with everyone :) I did hang out predominantly with one particular clique - "The Ho's" - but that's an entirely different blog post all together! LOL...oh, my...funny funny.

And don't think for a second that they minded at all that they were called the, you know what's. They picked the name themselves! My first day of school, I remember walking down our hall and into a group of happy, pretty smiles. And the biggest smile of them all - a dear friend of mine still to this day - asked with all her wonderful exuberance, "Hey, you're new. You want to be friends with us? We're the Ho's!" And thus a grand gift of friendships was born.

And maybe that's where the nickname came from also. I hung out with my friends who were quite chummy with the guys - our guys, visiting school guys, GI's (our school was on a military base), and so I guess it was assumed that I was equally as chummy. But I had no clue back then what a ho even was. Honestly, I really was that naive and yes, this blonde. Before I moved to Italy, I was back in Colorado climbing mountains and climbing trees. I was a very young 14 when I moved to Italy and had no clue. But I had fun despite it!

Yep. Life as a blonde really is better ;)

Oh, but I learned my lesson eventually, as I'm sure we all do. And a lesson I did learn... Stopped my flirtatiousness for the better of eh, let's say, twenty years. Hurtful people can kill a part of you... Thankfully God was looking out for me all that time, or I'd never have met the brined chicken lover who is the perfect fit to my puzzle.

God - The Universe - always looking out for us. We just have no clue how this puzzle will ever fit together until we see the whole picture.

Which brings me to a fantastic tangent. After quitting all that I love back in May to focus on just trying to live (and I mean it. LIVE. Been pretty unlucky as of late. But don't think that'll hold me down for long. I insist on living, and living WELL. Testa dura...that's me!) I was going to blog about it, but I'd rather focus on the positive - making this shit go away and/or living better with it. No more complaining about it.

Soooo...

Because I'm so blessed, I got to spend a good portion of July out in San Diego visiting my lovely sister-in-law. Oh, and of course my brother :) And would you know it? I felt PERFECT!!! Check out what POTS is all about and at home I have it all - including the hypovolemia.

BUT!! OMG. Out in San Diego?!?!? I was 90% better!!!

90 percent.

Better.

Hello!

So, of course, when I had to leave and fly back to the east coast - where all my POTS symptoms returned in 10 minutes - I told hubby, "We're moving. I can't live like this anymore." I'm young, I have young children, and I refuse to live handicap, ESPECIALLY if I don't have to!!!

Being the practical, factual, logical thinker he is, although he was happy that I could live POTS free, we needed to do some research, make sure it wasn't just seasonal. That I'd feel fine there all year long. It is a pretty big thing to pick up and move cross country with no where to live or work with two kids...

After a bit of a battle of hearts and heads, I simmered down and started to try to see it his way. Okay. I need to know for sure this wasn't just a fluke (ha! as if feeling 90% better instantly is something to second guess...) So, how to get out to Cali at different times of the year to test out my theory.

Think, Lia. Think...

While thinking, I got bored, started surfing the web and updating my facebook page. Had to "Like" San Diego because, hello! It "Likes" me! ;) And while I was on San Diego's facebook page, I saw they were hosting a "200K Likes Contest" with a prize..."Like us, then Like the Hilton at Torey Pines, and you'll be entered to win a 5 night stay at the Hilton!"

Well, gee! That's easy...

Click.

Click.

So I "Liked" San Diego and "Liked" the Hilton too. And kind of whispered to God that, if this move should happen, that it really is the only thing that I can do to feel - live- better, it would be really stellar to win this contest so I could bring Hubby along and Mr. Practical-Logical can see for himself.

AND GUESS WHAT?

GUESS!!!!

:)

I won.

I WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG. Or, rather. OTYG - Oh Thank You God! ;)

So, come Spring Break, Hubby and I are flying out to live it up in San Diego. Just the two of us. Like a date! Wow, I'm so excited! He's, of course, dreading seeing the light, therefore he'll have to figure out the move. "Why so practical?!" I say. "Just have fun. We'll land on our feet."

I always do ;)

And I'm planning a quick trip by myself to So Cal this winter, so that takes care of summer, winter and spring. If I feel great all those seasons, I think it's safe to say I'll feel fantastic all year round. Seeing I only get, at tops, a month here (a few weeks in spring plus a few weeks in fall) that I feel good here, I'd say this is a NO BRAINER.

We're going.

But, yes. I married a cautious man, so I will give him two years of dealing with this on the east coast so we have time to figure things out. I can do it. Have been for a while now. That way we're not just jumping blindfolded...although, if you ask me, that's way more fun! ;)

So, yep. I'm excited! ;) Someone asked what would we possibly do - by ourselves - for 5 nights in sunny southern California...

LOL... I love it when people give me a reason to smile, laugh.

So, that's a taste of what's been up. The weather's getting cooler, the humidity is feigning away - Go away! And there's a really hot pair of leopard print pumps in my future. Standing up in a wedding in a few weeks. At a pumpkin festival! The dress is super sweet. Just hope it doesn't snow. The dress is sleeveless and to the knees! However, I look great in it, and the shoes are so awesome, I bet I'll be feeling too hot to care ;)

Oh, and before I know it, Thanksgiving will be here. And I declared last Thanksgiving that the next one, I'd like to host. So, I'm hosting! :) Can't wait.

Hope everyone's doing well out there!

Glad to be back.

:)

TGIF!! ... What's in your cold/flu season arsenal?

It's Friday!!! Yeah!!! And I have the flu....yeah...ah, not so much.

My eyeballs hurt.

Actually, that's pretty funny seeing it written like that.

So, it's that time of year again. When we get to see if our wonderful immune systems can fend off the 100+ kinds of flu flying around. I would have gotten the flu vax if I thought it'd work. It only protects you against 3 of those 100+ strands.

Three.

To me, that doesn't seem worth the risk. And honestly, it's just the flu.

But it does bring up an item for discussion that I had thought I was going to timely bring up in October - what do you do for cold/flu season? Little did I know I was about a month too late for that conversation! ha

So, tell one, tell all - what do you do to help beat the odds during cold/flu season?

I typically chow down on chicken soup at the slightest provocation of illness and wash hands like it's nobody's business. That, and vit C, Kefir, Kombucha, and staying away from sick people!

But I forgot one. Moms know this scenario well: make sure the kids are all stocked up and clean and healthy, but forget about themselves. Yep, guilty and sick as charged...

It's just the start of the season. Just like having to pull out the winter clothes, it's time to start pulling out our defenses!

Join in with all your wise woman ideas, tips, and suggestions ;)

Leave your hints, tips, recipes, avoidance measures - everything you do to keep you and your family healthy during the upcoming seasons - in the comments below.

OR, on facebook ;)

And stay healthy!

PLEASE NOTE - this is not a blog/forum/comment box location for debates about vaccines. I understand not everyone agrees with my take on the flu vax as stated above. I get that. If you want to debate, please do so elsewhere. Thanks!!

Numbers...Do They Mean Anything?

Tomorrow I have an appointment with a specialist that I've been waiting since October to see. It's a very important appointment, one that has me biting my nails and wondering if I'm ready. But what is really bothering me, though, are the numbers.

311

Why? Try this one on for size...

My appointment is on 3/11 at 11am.
Address of the doctor's office is 311.
Phone number's last four digits? 3113.

Tell me that's not interesting...odd...scary...

So, anyone? What does that mean? Does it mean I made the appointment with the right doc? That there will be nothing found? That I might win a lottery I don't even want to be playing???

Here's to hoping the Universe is saying something good with these numbers...I'll let you know how it goes...

...

Breastfeeding: How I Naturally Weaned My Babies...

The nursing relationship is just that - an intimate interaction, connection, between a mother and her child. It helps us bond, communicate needs, and transforms us into one beautiful little unit.

From the beginning, though, many people - friends, doctors, family - all like to interject their opinions on what you are doing. How many times have we heard, "you feed him too much" or "I don't think he's getting enough". What about, "don't you think it's about time to stop that now?"

Enter weaning.

Weaning doesn't have to be a tragic ending...

Ending your nursing relationship on a positive note can bring just as warm memories as the beginning did.

Although many people, whether informed or misinformed, mean well, the ending your nursing relationship is not up to them. It's up to you and your baby. And every nursing relationship is different! No two babies nurse the same, no two mom-child teams wean the same.

Weaning is a part of breastfeeding, but it doesn't have to be an abrupt, sad experience. Gradual, gentle weaning that respects the feelings and needs of both the mother and child can be a wonderful way to transition into the next phase of your ever growing relationship.

Here are my two weaning stories...

My Baby #1 :)

When my son was born, he started nursing within minutes. He 'army crawled' his way up to my chest, lifted his head, and latched himself on without any help! He knew what he wanted and how to get it :) We nursed beautifully for the next two years without a hitch (minus two nursing strikes, but we worked through them! More on that later.)

When I became pregnant with my daughter, I was still nursing my son, who had just turned two. Although he was only nursing occasionally during the day and to sleep, he was in NO WAY near ready to wean. And I didn't want to push him to either. So I let him nurse whenever he liked during his busy days, which was sometimes only once or twice a day by that point, and to sleep. He was an active toddler ;)

Except, as it is for some women, nursing while pregnant can sometimes become really painful and irritating. The moment he latched on, instead of a rush of bliss and relaxation that I had always felt before, I was instantly climbing walls!

I was all for tandem nursing - nursing a toddler and an infant at the same time. I had read all the books and was excited to try it!...But nursing had become so uncomfortable for the both of us (you can't be a very nice mommy when you're flinching and grimacing), I sadly knew it was time to wean. My poor son would have loved to continue, and so would I! I fought it with everything I had, and was determined to keep going. But then he'd latch on and I'd hit the roof!

After two months of that, I decided to wean. But, instead of stopping instantly, which would have been great for my nipples, but stressful and cruel for my son, I wanted to naturally wean him. I slowly introduced the concept of "the baby is coming, and she needs the milkies now"... Least to say, my son was not amused!

He was not about to share his 'milkies'!

To help me naturally weaning, I used La Leche League's motto: do not offer, do not refuse. I also used mild distraction during the day (like outings, playdates, walks) and introduced daddy bed time (where daddy laid down with him and they went to sleep together, so no milkies from mommy) every other night, then increased it to two nights in a row, then three. This was all done very slowly, week by week, month by month, inch by inch. If I felt I was moving too fast, I'd pause the momentum until he was ok with moving on.

Over the course of the next four months, I gradually and gently removed night nursings first, followed by daytime nursings. This was fall. By the time Christmas rolled around, my son was down to nursing once or twice a week - and we all know the holidays can disrupt a nursing relationship with all that running around! By the new year we had weaned.

He wanted to do gymnastics and I had said that once he was ready to wean - be a big boy - he could do big boy gymnastics class. Of course it was a mommy-n-me class, but he still enjoyed it!

What really helped with his anxiety about the changes in our relationship was that I made sure to still snuggle him to sleep - with me falling asleep with him most times ;) And a lot of reassurance and cuddles during the day. I wanted him to know that mommy was going to be there no matter what. Yes, the milkies were gone, but that didn't mean that what we had created together - our bond - was over.

Once he understood and felt confident that we were still a team, he seemed to latch onto the idea of weaning better and weaned himself over the last month, slowly, gradually, on his time. I know it wasn't totally 'on his time' as I started the process, but I was happy and willing to let him take his time and finish it on his own terms. For me, that was natural weaning at it's best.

My Baby #2 :)

Then I had my daughter that May!...and although we had a rocky start to our nursing relationship, we found what worked for us and had a wonderful nursing experience for the next 3 1/2 years! :)

My daughter is now 3 1/2...I can't believe it! And she just weaned herself. I knew she was my last baby, and I wanted her to have a more gradual natural weaning when our breastfeeding relationship was coming to a close. And since I'm not having any more babies :(, I won't get to breastfeed again. So this choice was simple: Keep going until she was done.

I did want to quit a few times over the last year and a half, but since it was a relationship between she and I, I decided I was ok with letting her call the shots. That's what's great about a nursing relationship. It's only between the two of you. Too bad if no one else agrees. It's not up to them ;)

Then I got sick, and still am. It's all a mystery. That initiated doctors, family members, and friends telling me that I HAD to stop nursing. "It's got to be a drain on your system" is what they were all saying. Doctors would prescribe me things to 'try' that weren't OK for nursing, which meant I had to stop. And I almost did, but I decided to continue nursing, not 'try' meds that I knew weren't going to work anyway, and I'm glad I did. My 'illness' had nothing to do with nursing.

I was very fatigued for weeks at a time and I had to night wean her. Thankfully she loves her thumb as much as her 'mees' (her word for milkies) so I thought it was going to be easy. Boy, was I wrong! She was very stubborn, and I caved every night. One little please was all it ever took :)

Although I was tired as he-double-hockey-sticks, I was glad that I did continue. I loved nursing her. She's a snuggle bug, just warms my heart. Plus, I'd always get the urge to completely wean her right around the winter time, which is stupid. All those germs, colds, flu...so I'd keep going and was glad for it.

Two winters ago, when she was about to turn two, I was toying with the idea of weaning her soon. Gradually start the process. But then my little peanut got sick and couldn't eat nor drink for 4 days. She couldn't even keep water down!

At that point she was only nursing once every three days or so. Well, during that stomach virus, she nursed every two hours for 4 days and was able to keep all the breastmilk down! Kept her hydrated, fed, and out of the hospital. On the night of the 4th day she demanded pizza, we ordered it, and she was better from then on! :) What would have happened, though, had I already weaned her? She couldn't even keep water down. She'd of been hospitalized for sure.

Now, for the past six months or so, she was nursing maybe once or twice a week. Sometimes once every other week. I couldn't believe the milk was still there even when she'd go two weeks without nursing! But it was still there, and whenever she wanted it, I did not refuse. LLL motto!

About a month ago I told her that once she was ready to stop nursing, she could have a prize. She choose big girl ballet/tap lessons ;) She just started and loves it!

As for me...well, I got a prize too!!! A new bra! Breastfeeding for the past 5 or so years, almost nonstop, I didn't have anything else other than nursing bras. My new bra? It's a black lacy number, and if you want to see it, just ask. I love it! I do ;) I feel like such a big girl myself! ha ha LOL...

Remember: Weaning doesn't have to be a tragic ending. Ending your nursing relationship on a positive note can bring just as warm memories as the beginning.

Have you weaned? Thinking about it? How did you do?

enjoy the snow (if you've got it) ladies!

Body After Baby...A Week in Chocolate...

Yep, that's what it was... a week in chocolate...

And fast food, Chinese take out, left over chips, chips and more chips, a dip in the hidden Halloween candy dish, midnight runs to the kitchen for more junk...Yep...I think that just about says it all...

Fatigue is a b*tch, ya'know? I just didn't have it in me to even cook for a few days running. It was all I could do to just keep up with the kids, the house, and do a bit of laundry. You know you're not doing well when laundry, where your sitting most of the time, kicks your ass. But then I started to feel better (that's the day I started eating chocolate....) and then I was able to find energy again.

However, where I faltered (and, oh, did I falter) I picked up elsewhere big time. I took daily walks, shoveled snow and went sledding, danced with my little girl, and overall had a very active week! And even though the fatigue hit me two days this week where I could barely do anything, I felt great and more energetic during a week that is usually a NO fun, ZERO energy week for me.

Maybe there's something here...maybe it was the chocolate...

Hmmm....something to consider for the future...

;)

Body After Baby, Week 2...

I gave it a try and succeeded to increase my activity level once last week. Not exactly a great start, but a start all the same ;)

My daughter and I danced to an entire CD in the living room. I actually worked up a sweat, and she had a lot of fun dancing in her princess dress. I also took the stairs and parked farther away than usual. This week will be interesting. I'm feeling a bit winded for no reason at all, so I'm doing what I can when I can.

Oh, and I did shovel snow! Not that that counts, but it was fun anyway ;) I love snow.

I don't believe that people need to work out like crazy to be in good health, shape. I think eating and sleeping habits help take care of your body too. If you don't put junk food in, you don't have to work double hard to 'work it off'. And getting the right amount of sleep helps your body repair and heal.

I did find a new favorite all day snack, something I can munch on all day: almonds. High in Calcium and crunchy, they're a great snack for us mamas.

So, my goal for this week?
Do more days of increased activity, aka: adding some sort of aerobic exercise in addition to what I normally do (kids, house, cook, clean, work, kids, house, cook, clean, work...) And, also continue to eat and sleep right. Have to get to bed by 10pm! Doctor's orders.

How did you do?

;)

Body After Baby Challenge: I'm Joining!

Ok, so I joined the challenge...I'm motivated...but do I have any goals that I'm hoping to reach? Hmm, I don't know...do I?

I should, because having goals keeps up the motivation. So, ok, goals. Think, Lia, think...

Alright, I got it!

I don't have a goal weight in mind and I already fit into my pre-baby jeans, so I think my goals are going to go beyond the norm. That's ok with me, I enjoy my freedom outside the box ;)

I think I'll organize my Body After Baby Challenge goals into two separate parts:

Goal #1: Eat Healthy Choices Only
My main goal is to eat only organic, local, fresh, whole foods all week, no matter what meal/snack, so finding it within my budget...it'll be a challenge in and of itself! But I believe eating whole healthy foods without pesticides, growth hormones, and toxic chemicals is the way to go if you want to be healthy, not just look nice.

Goal # 2: Increase Activity Level Daily
Ha! Ha! This one's going to be hard. I am a runner and usually run 2-3 times a week, 3 miles as the norm. But I haven't run since November because of some weird health issues I've been having, and they've also been keeping me from my usual active lifestyle. Sooooo.... My goal is to add either some easy activity to every day, either yoga, walking, or dancing in the living room... :) I hope to get myself back into my normal swing of things, as I love being outdoors hiking and running and just being active! I think that's one of the best things about being alive.

I'll post updates too, because I think it's important to check in and make sure what you're doing is actually working.

My main goal is to feel as good - health wise - as I did before I had kids. Having kids is really hard on your body, and I want to get back in shape so I can keep up with everything and everyone I love. This might mean taking something that I don't want to take and seeing a few more docs to figure out this mystery thing. I don't know, I'm still up in the air about it...

Every week I'll keep track of how I feel in general and decide if the food/exercise choices I've made are working or need to be tweaked a bit.

My starting point right now?
Activity level = zero
Healthy Food Choices = so far, so good
weight = I'll tell if you tell!
pre-baby jeans = still fit, don't hate me

Ok, so you asked for goals, you got goals...I'll post weekly and see how this challenge pans out for me.

;)