Giving In & Letting Go...How to Open Yourself Up to Possibilities in Healing

I've been thinking about the importance of some of the crap we humans have to endure and survive lately. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. People who play by the rules. People who say please and thank you. People that just do good and are good. I mean, honestly, don't we all find it crazy making to witness lightning striking in the path of good people.

Yet...does lightning ever ask?
Or does it just strike?

Good people, bad people. It strikes us all. It's simply a part of life, like it or not.

And we could willy-nilly go on accepting that lightning will strike us and those we know at random times during our life. For the most part, I think we all do just accept it and move on. Except when the big ones hit. Then we want to know why. Demand to know why. To what end did this happen? How does something bad happening to someone good fit in the grand scheme of things?

Because, honestly, humanly, horrible things happening to anyone doesn't seem to make any sense...

Only, once we start down the worn road of questioning the Universe, this Great Mystery we call life, it's easy to get bogged down in the wondering and the why'ing. How on Earth are we to think positively - or better yet, find a way to accept and move on - from the lightning that strikes in our lives and in the lives of those we know and love?

This is the main ingredient I've been chewing on lately. Do we just dwell in the darkness of the why's? Because that's easy to do. Forget life. Forget God. Forget ever breaking back into the light. I know. I've been there. Seen many people I know and love get stuck.

Yet, and this might be a stretch for some, but....there's something to having the unthinkable happen to you. Forget all the, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger/weirder," sayings. What I'm talking about it is much greater. And can help you live through and move on along your healing journey.

You just have to do One. Hard. Impossible. Thing.

Give in.

Give in to the possibility that it - everything - is meant to be. Meant to happen.

I've always believed everything happens for a reason. That belief came after a few big booming lightning strikes took me out of the game for a few years (aka, a decade). To bounce back from them, there was one sure fire way to get back into living and loving life.

BY GIVING IN.

Give in to the possibility that what happened, happened for a purpose...

This can be a hard concept to accept. Why? Because to do so, you have to do one more impossibly hard thing.

LET GO.

Let go of your own concept of what life is.
Let go of who you think is in charge.
Let go of the could-have-been's in your life.

There comes a time - and sometimes, many times - in our lives that we are presented with a notion, a thought, an arbitrary line of thinking, that maybe, just maybe, things could have been different. Life - its ups and down, its challenges, its crosses to bear - could have been different. Would have been.

If only I had made that one choice differently...things would have turned out, different.

Let Go.

Let go of the past. Let go of the could have been... Let go.

and

Give In.

Give in to the notion that something great can and will come of this.

I know. This took me years to accept, discover. Sometimes, it's insanely hard to fathom something good coming out of something bad.

Yet...

The only way to find light in darkness - no matter the saturation- is to let go of the darkness. Let go of the wondering, the why'ing. Why me? Why now? Why? Why? Why? If you don't let go, then questions and worry will be all you ever have. All that will ever be brought to you.

What you put out into the Universe, the Universe sends back to you.

If you let go and give in, something extraordinary will happen. It can happen right away...or it can happen years from now. And that's what may be the hardest thing about letting go: the unknown. You don't know what's going to come of this. Or when. Or how.

Scary.

But you can do it. Let go...

Of your frustrations.
Of your worry.
Of your hope.

Yes, that too. If you're always looking down a path, straining to see the light, hoping you won't miss it, you might not see something glistening off to the side.

So, let go.

And give in.

Give in to any and all possibility. The answer you want, crave, need, may not ever come in the form you desire. That's the importance of letting go; let go of ALL your expectations.

We don't know why bad things happen to us. To anyone. But they are a part of life. By being giving in and letting go, we can help facilitate the healing that is all important to our life and well being.

So, that's your homework. Two really simple impossible things to do...that I know you can do:

1. Let Go.
2. Give in.


Peace be with you, now and always,
Lia Mack

And I'm Back...Tangents And All

HELLO OUT THERE!

So long I've been gone, no?

Lots to talk about, lots of lost time. I stopped writing - blogging, noveling, everything - back in May because, well, let's face it. The ol'brain just wasn't workin' right ;) And I winky-smile after saying that because, well, let's face it. If you can't smile, what's the point?

;)

So, what's new... Well, I've got the house almost to myself right now, and it's silent! Two in school, three taking a nap. The hubby wanted me to brine a whole chicken over night and roast it for dinner, so that's about to get going into the oven. Who ever heard of brining a chicken for 24 hours, I don't know...but I guess I left the TV on the Food Network channel and when Mr. Hubby turned it on to watch football over the weekend...well, let's just say his tummy was inspired.

How many times can I say, "well, let's just say" in a blog post? ;)

I'll stop with the repetition with that one, but not the winky-winks. I'm a winker. A flirt. Got to wink. Got to be comical. Got to be sweet. That's me ;)

Back in High School - in southern Italy, no less - I was called just that. "The Flirt"...as if there weren't any others out there sashaying it up in the halls (well, hall. The school was so small, we only had one hall. 25 people in my graduating class! We were like family...still are! :)

And I'm back...tangents and all.

So, I was "The Flirt" and I loved all the attention that I got from just being me. I know I had no intention on being a flirt, I just love life! I love hanging out with people, no matter who - guys, girls, geeks, greeks - and I think that's where the nickname conjured up from. I didn't live in a clique. I cliqued with everyone :) I did hang out predominantly with one particular clique - "The Ho's" - but that's an entirely different blog post all together! LOL...oh, my...funny funny.

And don't think for a second that they minded at all that they were called the, you know what's. They picked the name themselves! My first day of school, I remember walking down our hall and into a group of happy, pretty smiles. And the biggest smile of them all - a dear friend of mine still to this day - asked with all her wonderful exuberance, "Hey, you're new. You want to be friends with us? We're the Ho's!" And thus a grand gift of friendships was born.

And maybe that's where the nickname came from also. I hung out with my friends who were quite chummy with the guys - our guys, visiting school guys, GI's (our school was on a military base), and so I guess it was assumed that I was equally as chummy. But I had no clue back then what a ho even was. Honestly, I really was that naive and yes, this blonde. Before I moved to Italy, I was back in Colorado climbing mountains and climbing trees. I was a very young 14 when I moved to Italy and had no clue. But I had fun despite it!

Yep. Life as a blonde really is better ;)

Oh, but I learned my lesson eventually, as I'm sure we all do. And a lesson I did learn... Stopped my flirtatiousness for the better of eh, let's say, twenty years. Hurtful people can kill a part of you... Thankfully God was looking out for me all that time, or I'd never have met the brined chicken lover who is the perfect fit to my puzzle.

God - The Universe - always looking out for us. We just have no clue how this puzzle will ever fit together until we see the whole picture.

Which brings me to a fantastic tangent. After quitting all that I love back in May to focus on just trying to live (and I mean it. LIVE. Been pretty unlucky as of late. But don't think that'll hold me down for long. I insist on living, and living WELL. Testa dura...that's me!) I was going to blog about it, but I'd rather focus on the positive - making this shit go away and/or living better with it. No more complaining about it.

Soooo...

Because I'm so blessed, I got to spend a good portion of July out in San Diego visiting my lovely sister-in-law. Oh, and of course my brother :) And would you know it? I felt PERFECT!!! Check out what POTS is all about and at home I have it all - including the hypovolemia.

BUT!! OMG. Out in San Diego?!?!? I was 90% better!!!

90 percent.

Better.

Hello!

So, of course, when I had to leave and fly back to the east coast - where all my POTS symptoms returned in 10 minutes - I told hubby, "We're moving. I can't live like this anymore." I'm young, I have young children, and I refuse to live handicap, ESPECIALLY if I don't have to!!!

Being the practical, factual, logical thinker he is, although he was happy that I could live POTS free, we needed to do some research, make sure it wasn't just seasonal. That I'd feel fine there all year long. It is a pretty big thing to pick up and move cross country with no where to live or work with two kids...

After a bit of a battle of hearts and heads, I simmered down and started to try to see it his way. Okay. I need to know for sure this wasn't just a fluke (ha! as if feeling 90% better instantly is something to second guess...) So, how to get out to Cali at different times of the year to test out my theory.

Think, Lia. Think...

While thinking, I got bored, started surfing the web and updating my facebook page. Had to "Like" San Diego because, hello! It "Likes" me! ;) And while I was on San Diego's facebook page, I saw they were hosting a "200K Likes Contest" with a prize..."Like us, then Like the Hilton at Torey Pines, and you'll be entered to win a 5 night stay at the Hilton!"

Well, gee! That's easy...

Click.

Click.

So I "Liked" San Diego and "Liked" the Hilton too. And kind of whispered to God that, if this move should happen, that it really is the only thing that I can do to feel - live- better, it would be really stellar to win this contest so I could bring Hubby along and Mr. Practical-Logical can see for himself.

AND GUESS WHAT?

GUESS!!!!

:)

I won.

I WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG. Or, rather. OTYG - Oh Thank You God! ;)

So, come Spring Break, Hubby and I are flying out to live it up in San Diego. Just the two of us. Like a date! Wow, I'm so excited! He's, of course, dreading seeing the light, therefore he'll have to figure out the move. "Why so practical?!" I say. "Just have fun. We'll land on our feet."

I always do ;)

And I'm planning a quick trip by myself to So Cal this winter, so that takes care of summer, winter and spring. If I feel great all those seasons, I think it's safe to say I'll feel fantastic all year round. Seeing I only get, at tops, a month here (a few weeks in spring plus a few weeks in fall) that I feel good here, I'd say this is a NO BRAINER.

We're going.

But, yes. I married a cautious man, so I will give him two years of dealing with this on the east coast so we have time to figure things out. I can do it. Have been for a while now. That way we're not just jumping blindfolded...although, if you ask me, that's way more fun! ;)

So, yep. I'm excited! ;) Someone asked what would we possibly do - by ourselves - for 5 nights in sunny southern California...

LOL... I love it when people give me a reason to smile, laugh.

So, that's a taste of what's been up. The weather's getting cooler, the humidity is feigning away - Go away! And there's a really hot pair of leopard print pumps in my future. Standing up in a wedding in a few weeks. At a pumpkin festival! The dress is super sweet. Just hope it doesn't snow. The dress is sleeveless and to the knees! However, I look great in it, and the shoes are so awesome, I bet I'll be feeling too hot to care ;)

Oh, and before I know it, Thanksgiving will be here. And I declared last Thanksgiving that the next one, I'd like to host. So, I'm hosting! :) Can't wait.

Hope everyone's doing well out there!

Glad to be back.

:)

Good-Bye 2009...Hello 2010! Bringing in the New Year with Peace, Love, and Good Health!

Happy New Year!!! Hope you had a great time bringing in the new year last night :)

I don't know about you, but I was actually glad to see 2009 go. It was a mentally exhausting year for my family.

True, a lot of good things happened in the course of that year that I am thankful for. I became an Aunt two more times, a new niece in August and a new nephew in December. I love babies. Plus it gave me the opportunity to watch my beautiful sister-in-law become a mother. And a beautiful mother she is.

However, watching my wonderful mother-in-law go through chemotherapy for breast cancer, helping to take care of her almost every week from January to June (whenever she'd let me help! ;), and watching her spirit drain out of her was how we started off 2009. Thankfully she made it through, has been doing good since, and had enough hair by Christmas to do it up nice. She's a spirited high energy woman that I want around for a long time. Yes, you heard me. I like my mother-in-law!!! :) How many people can say that? I hope and pray her 2010 is a healthy one!

The year also saw some of my best days. In the beginning of July, my husband and I celebrated our ten year anniversary! And our relationship is like a fine wine...as the years pass, it keeps getting better. Then a few weeks later I got to go to sunny southern California and run on the beach every morning, eat fresh local organic food each and every day. I felt fantastic! I've been having some of my own health issues and for some reason I didn't feel them while on vacation.... Fresh food, fresh air, beautiful vistas...Think I might have to make Del Mar my home sometime soon! ;)

Then I flew back to Maryland two weeks later that July...and not even two days passed before I experienced something that I hope and pray no one ever has to experience, ever. I watched a little boy die. Finding him. Calling 911. Watching them work on him. Holding his little hand, saying good-bye...

And for no reason. It was unexpected, unexplained. It happened just like that and the only reason the doctors and examiners can come up with is unexplained natural causes. Absolute horse shit.

Although we've become even closer to his mother and father, our good friends already, due to the tragedy, I'd rather have become better friends through something else. Like going on a week long vacation together, them with their kids and us with ours. We were planning something like that. Going to do it sometime in the future, not sure when. Don't we all plan something and take forever getting around to it, simply because we think we have time?

Why did this have to happen to little Andrew? How does a two year die for no known reason? One minute he was dancing with my daughter in the living room, playing with toys, and running around the house having a good ol'time. The next minute he was tired, laid down for a nap..can't wake him up. It wasn't SIDS. He was breathing, alive. But only faintly there...then gone.

It was SUDC - Sudden Unexplained Death in a Child. I agree with Andrew's father. The acronym should really be SUCD, because that's exactly it. It sucked. I hope no one has to live through that ever ever ever ever ever... The only thing I can pray for now, for Andrew's parents, is that they find peace and love in 2010. I know it has been hard for them. I know it'll never be the same or easy ever again. Anything that will bring them some peace of mind to help them through each day is what I hope for them for their new year.

My hopes for my own 2010? That it is an uneventful year. Sorry, but I just want it to be a quiet, low key year. Sure, I'd love to see my book finish it's edits and find an agent who wants to publish it. But I'll trade all of that for a year where nothing major happens. No one gets sick. No one dies.

So...Knowing that the Universe - God - gives you what you give, I'm getting all of this off my chest now so that I can start anew. Start this year on a good note, a happy note, a positive note. And you should do the same if you have any lingering angst against 2009. I am purging my negativity towards last year in hopes for a wonderful prosperous new year. I am filling up my heart, mind, words, thoughts, and spirit, with love, good things, peace.

Here's to a wonderful 2010 for everyone ...

Good health to all ... Peace of mind to all ... Love boundless to all

...

45 Life Lessons... by Regina Brett

Numbers 29 and 32 made me LOL...oh, and number 40... ;)

Here's to having a great day!


Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio.

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written.

My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone...

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words "In five years, will this matter?"

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative--dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come.

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

When Silence is Golden...

Boy, oh boy...or maybe I should say Woman, oh woman... This week got a jump start in the insane category! Monday morning I felt fine, knew that the full moon was next week - when my cycle always starts - so I thought that I was starting out just another week of happy-go-lucky normalcy...

Woman, was I wrong!

I was in the middle of a La Leche meeting, surrounded by mama friends, my children at home with daddy. There were all the ingredients for a relaxing moment of me with like-minded mamas chit chatting away the hours. Or so it started out. But then half-way through, I felt it, and it came up on me fast: the worst lonely sadness that I've ever felt. It just hit me mid-smile, mid-chatter. Bam! I had to pack up my things and run!

And cry all the way home...

I didn't stop crying until my poor darling husband tried to fix things. Then I hormonally exploded on the poor man, grabbed my keys, exploded some more when I couldn't find my flip flops, then ran out of the house, got in the car, and drove.

And cry all the way nowhere...

After I came back home, knowing nothing was going to shake the feeling - I just flopped down into bed and tried to sleep it off. Only, it was still there in the morning. Not being able to depressingly stay in bed all day with a 5 and 3 year old jumping and climbing on me, I got up. Yet I was afraid that I would unleash the horror on them that day like I had the night before.

So I vowed not to by using the only tool that I could think that would help me accomplish it... I took silence.

I decided not to talk all day, only signing what I needed them to do - eat, shoes, play - and thank their little souls, they did. They actually listened to me better than had I asked them with my voice...

I didn't say a word all morning, went about my daily stay-at-home-mom routine, and even though I felt that heavy sadness lingering, it worked. I didn't get worse, the kids didn't get hurt, and things got done.

A miracle in and of itself!

Of course, my silence was broken when I went to the chiropractor and had to speak to other people lest they think I'm totally nuts... So technically, I only made it silent for half a day. But it did work! So I'm thinking, wow, this silence tool is something that I can and should use!

And maybe because I didn't rant and rave all morning, stayed quite and to myself, got things done - all keeping the feeling from getting worse - it got better. I got better. By evening the dread had lifted and left me for good. I'm not sure why I get these hideous hormonal episodes...but at least I know that next time I'm feeling totally not like myself, I'm going to keep my &$^#@%* mouth shut!

It was hard at first - a little scary too, as I was stuck with myself all through that silence - but it got easier...and it did help.

Silence is a gift that I have always craved - living close to the airport and a major highway can make for a noisy environment! - but I had no idea that I could generate that silence that I needed by and for myself. And for that I'm relieved to have found it, and grateful.

Camping Out in Mommyland

So Many Camps, so Many Opinions, Where to Pitch My Tent?

On my way to motherhood, I came upon many camps of thought surrounding birth. There was the "get an epidural" camp and the "induce your labor" camp, which were right next to the "opt for a c-section" camp. However, I knew that I didn't belong to any of these interventionalist camps. So I ventured over to the "just go natural" camp and found freedom in following nature's course.

After the birth of my son, I felt at ease having found my camp. I rested my eyes with my son nestled to my side and fell into a beautiful slumber. Little did I know that, upon waking from my two-hour nap, I would be looking upon many more camps of thought. The "are you going to breastfeed" camp came into view, and split before my very eyes into numerous camps such as the "just colostrum then quit" camp, the "exclusive breastfeeding" camp, "supplement with formula" camp, the "on demand" camp, to "pump" or "not to pump" and "return to work" camp...the questions and opinions were overwhelming

Thankfully I had read the La Leche League's Womanly Art of Breastfeeding book and, after a few bumpy months, found my ground again to "just go natural". I let my son tell me when he was hungry and how long he wanted to nurse. Again, I found freedom from worries, calculations, and schedules in following nature's course.

However, after a few trips to the pediatrician's office my eyes were opened to many more camps on the upcoming horizon. The "let him cry it out" camp emerged, along with the "vaccine, yes or no" camps, the "co-sleeping" camp which was at odds with the "you"ll never get him out of your bed" camp. "Attachment parenting"..."Detached parenting"..."semi-attached parenting"..."sears", "Ferber", "Dr. Jay"... Never in my dreams did I think there was so much controversy to raising a child. So many camps, so many opinions - where to pitch my tent?

Being a new mother had its own challenges, both physical and emotional. I just didn't have the time nor energy to take it all in and decide where to go. To make it easier for myself, I chose to find the easiest path and start hiking. So, I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and listened to my heart and instincts. I took baby steps and didn't second guess or question what I felt. I blocked out the chanting from the camps all around me and trekked on.

Amazingly, I found a map!

A map deep within myself. The blue-prints were there all along. I just had to close out all else and listen to my instincts, my heart. If I felt pains watching my baby cry and I wanted to pick him up, I did. I didn't look to a book for advice on what to do or listen to "experts." I just did it. If I felt uneasy having my nursling in a crib in the next room and couldn't sleep without him cuddled against me, I went and brought him to bed with me. I didn't brood over what the pediatrician told me about tried-and-true methods of the past 50 years. I just listened to my instincts. I followed my own nature's path.

After again finding "my" camp - a camp centered on listening to my own maternal instincts - I have found it easier to navigate my way through the camps of Mommyland. I know that the camps that I've come upon in the short 10 months since I've had my son are only the beginning. Already I can hear the chants from the "toilet-training" camp, the "home schooling" camps, and the "you're still doing THAT?!" camps...

Thankfully, I know now how to find my way through it all, and I'll take each hill and mountain as they come. The instincts are there and I just have to remind myself to trust them enough to show me the right path.

I wrote this long ago. It's appeared many times since online, originally in VegetarianBaby Magazine. Had to 'replay' it :)

My Hair is Back!

I realized something yesterday as I walked past a mirror and saw my reflection...I finally look like myself again! It's been a long time coming too.

Last March I had to chop all of my hair off. The October before, it had started to fall out and what was left by the new year was a knotted frayed mess. Before it started to fall out in clumps, my beautiful blonde hair was long, healthy, silky and all the way down to my butt! However, due to adrenal inefficiency (that would take another year to truly diagnose) my body started to break down, starting with my hair.

Now, I know. Hair is hair. It'll grow back. But it was hard to loose like that, being the lovely locks that they had been all my life. But something had to be done. It was just a horrible bird's nest at the nape of my neck everyday. It's frumpiness was just dragging me down.

I had to force my mother to do it. A seasoned hairdresser of 25+ years, she still didn't want to see it all go. But there was no use keeping it. So, with a chop chop chop, 15 inches were gone. By the time she was done trimming the rest up, my hair was only one inch long...

Yikes!

So, with more than a year later and taking care of my self - making sure I get the right amount of sleep, staying away from toxic people, and doing things for myself - I have almost made a full recovery...and my hair shows it ;)

It may have been a big chop at first, but it was worth it. And in more ways than one. Yes, it got rid of all that dead hair leaving room for new healthier growth. But it also a very concrete reminder too. Every time I was startled from my reflection in the mirror, seeing that I had no hair! - I was reminded that I had to take care of myself.

Even if I didn't feel like I had time to actually do it on some days, seeing my hair - taking what felt like an eternity just to grow past the tips of my ears! - I was reminded that I had to do something for myself every single day: I had to take a shower that day. I had to get to bed on time. I had to get out side and run. I had to write. Anything, something. All I knew was that I had to do something for myself that day.

Someone very wise once told me: if you don't take care of yourself, no one will.

No truer words were ever spoken. Everyone needs to know this and implement it into their lives, even if it takes a catastrophic event to make them realize that they need to take care of themselves.

We are all worth a little time and effort for ourselves. Many of us don't realize this and go through our lives giving and giving...but if we only give and give and never take a little for ourselves to refuel, someday there won't be anything left to give.

So here's to all of us doing a little something for ourselves this weekend, whether it's sleeping in a little later or going on that hike that we've only been talking about taking for months.

Enjoy!

And take care of yourself!

:)

Get Rich!....A Secret To Absolute Wealth

Oh, yeah, baby...I'm rich!

I'm the richest person I know...And I'm richer than I've ever been in my entire life! I have everything I've ever wanted and more...

Why?

I'm blessed.

And I feel more and more blessed each and everyday.

How?

I'll let you in on a little secret. I have close to nothing and almost everything, all at the same time.

"They may not have a lot of material things, but that doesn't mean they are not successful," says A Cherokee Feast of Days, a daily meditation book by Joyce Sequichie Hifler. "The Elders say that what everyone really wants is to be happy and have a peaceful mind. Material things by themselves do not bring happiness and peace of mind."

Therefore, when you define true success in the peace, love, and happiness that you feel and share, there are no boundaries to how rich you can be. So...share the love :)

I don't have a lot, but I always give away almost everything that I have. And - somehow, some way - all that I need just comes along. I think it's the Universe's way of saying, "Thank you for your generosity" with a smiling handshake.

Charles Eastman once wrote, "When I was younger, I knew the love of sharing. Since I have become civilized I have lost such wisdom." Today, we are so consumed with consuming - building our own little castles of stuff, collecting every thing that we can buy - that most of us have lost a bit of what it is to be human. We are all struggling with something (or someone) and if we just helped eachother out a little more, all the woes we feel would be greatly alleviated.

Giving is also a way we can live harmoniously on and with Mother Earth. She shares with us everything we need to live and survive. It's all about being like fruit, and living life like a Three Sisters Garden - the corn, bean, and squash - sharing with eachother nutrients, shade, and support thus creating a strong and healthy harvest.

I feel that by sharing everything you have - whether it's left over compost or simply just the love and compassion in your heart - you will not only be taken care of, somehow, some way, but you'll also feel richer beyond your wildest dreams.

The moment you stop being consumed with your own needs and start reaching out to others and sharing all that you have - all that is you - and helping in any way you can, you'll instantly feel it. That richness will fill your life, your soul, your spirit.

You will be blessed.

:)

What Did You Say?...Make Your Body Language Heard

Ever email a friend and, due to their incorrect interpretation of what you sent, that friend turned into a foe? Ever receive a text message and get instantly perturbed because, lo and behold, the actual meaning didn't really come across exactly crystal clear on your 50x50 pixel screen?

Some say the art of communication is becoming endangered. Others argue it's already dead. Well, at least that's what they write anyway.

The problem? No one talks anymore.

"Wait a minute," you say. "I talk to my friends all the time!" Yeah, in emails, facebook chatting, text messaging...

Ah, but we're missing the most important ingredient to the art of communication, the part that helps us see the truer meaning behind the words: body language.

It's easy to see who's attention you have and who's you don't when you're talking face to face...or rather when you're talking and they are looking at their cell phone, waiting for it to ring, or (how many times has this happened to you) they are texting someone while you are talking!

Oh, yeah. Body language does say it all.

But, what happens when you take away the face to face and there's a misunderstanding? How often has an otherwise easily understood meaning gotten mistaken and someone is left with the question: what the hell was that supposed to mean?!

Years ago - when the web was new - it was awesome to talk with my cousin who rarely picked up the phone, thousands of miles away, yet answered an email from time to time. However, since she was so new to the technology she didn't quite understand the language yet. One false move on my part - adding a (sp) after a couple words I wasn't sure I had spelled correctly - and wham! My four little characters were considered as an insult (namely, she interpreted it as though I was saying that she couldn't spell) and she didn't talk to me - email or on the phone - for months.

Petty? Yes. But this is only one small innocent example of the many misunderstandings I've had in my life due to these non-verbal miscommunications types (no pun intended). I won't entertain you with the more brutal ones...some days I feel as though I'm still rebuilding those bridges.

Anyway...

So this example brings up an interesting point! Maybe the art of communication isn't actually dead yet. Maybe we have merely created a new way of communicating! And body language really isn't left out of our new language either...

Emoticons!
Smilies!
Italics!
just to name a few...

Emails, texts, and chatting may be just simply characters on a screen, but they can sure become an imaginative fun way of talking with eachother ;) If it wasn't for this simple yet prolific way of communicating, I wouldn't have been able to get back into contact with numerous friends that I've had all over the world (yep, I'm a military brat!) Any time of the day, all I have to do is pop onto my facebook page, check my email, or text a friend, and wham! I'm talking with them, wherever they may be, whatever they may be doing. It's so much easier nowadays to be contact with just about anyone! Even those whom you may never actually see again...

Everyone has their own way of staying in touch. Some of us prefer face-to-face conversations. Some of us just don't have the time or the energy to talk to anyone after a long busy day. And some of us are land somewhere in between. But no matter how you do it - in person or via your blackberry - make sure your body language is speaking loud and clear.

Oh. And if there is a misunderstanding on one or both of your parts...don't let it go unsaid. We're human after all. No one is perfect...No one.

;)

What do you do in YOUR bed?

el lugar más importante del mundo" - the most important place in the world.

Seeing how everything wonderful in life can happen in bed - from sleep to conception to birth - its easy to see how they came up with the beautifully coined phrase.



Too bad we live in a country that would rather make money off of having us live in fear of this wonderful life experience - implanting a picture in our minds of birth as being unbearable pain, needles, drugs, screaming, and worse.

Wouldn't it be out of this world to see this ad on TV her in the US? We are in dire need of a come back to more human ways of going about experiencing life. How much healthier a nation would we be if our next generations were born into calm peacefulness of a loving embrace, rather than bright sterile lights, strange hands poking and prodding...

Will You Be My Friend?...

Late one evening back in high school, a friend came to my door and asked if I'd take a walk with her. She had never asked me for anything like this before and, from the expression on her face, I could tell that she was in need. Some years ago another dear friend showed up on my doorsteps early one rainy day with the same look in her eyes. Other friends call at all hours of the day, night with the same tone in their voice.

They are in need...in need of a friend.

Someone who will listen.
Someone who cares.
Someone who you can lay your woes upon, keeping your secrets safe.

Friends are wonderful people. They sacrifice their time and energies for us, and we do the same for them. Even if miles upon miles separate us we know that, if the friend-symbol is shone up into the sky, they will be there for us in a blink of an eye.

We too have many acquaintances in our lives, people we see during the week and have conversations with. Some may even come to a dinner party or two. And as wonderful as they are, we know and feel the distinction between them and our friends.

A friend is someone that you share a common commitment with. One that binds you to eachother, for better and for worst. In the hustle bustle of our busy lives it is difficult to find and secure a real true friendship. So when you have one, it makes it all the more important to nurture it with kindness, respect, and honesty. To be there for eachother. That's a good friend.

"Once you make a friend, a friend never leaves you, even to death.
So a friend is really hard to find."
~ Wallace Black Elk, LAKOTA

Once, an Elder told me he made a decision to be my friend. He said this friendship wasn't based on my behavior or how I acted; he said the friendship was based on his decision. He decided to be my friend. This friendship has happened like he said. Even if I don't see him for a long time, or if I get mad at him, he has never changed his decision. This is true friendship.

Great Spirit, I'm glad you are this kind of Friend.

That in green is taken from the book A Cherokee Feast of Days.

New Month, New Goals

Ok, I've dilly dallied long enough! Although I completed the first draft of the novel and gone through and done a first round of edits, I have yet to put them into the computer. Slacker that I am, I've been spending way too much time on facebook and mothering.com!

I did, however, solidify chapter one and I am excited about it! Instead of starting at the beginning and going all the way through to the end, I've decided that instead my MC (main character) is going to start at the beginning of her new journey - her quest - and right before she boards the plane she thinks back to the initial journey of the last year that has brought her to this point in life - the full circle. I'm still working on the past/present tense issue...so if anyone is good with grammar...help!!!

So...new month, new goals (and I'll post them here so I'm guilted into doing it on time!)

April Writing Goals:

1. fix POV change
   I initially wrote them in third person but, having written the rest of the book in first person POV, can see that the 1st person POV is so much better for this book. It's a personal story. Has to come from the horses mouth...
   
   
2. solidify chapters 1-5
   I have chapter 1 solidified, so I think this will be an easy one for me...however I'm also spring cleaning, planning out my spring garden, AND painting a baby's room...I might be aiming too high. But if I aim for 5 and only get 3 done, it will be better than aiming for 3 and only getting 1 done...KWIM? ;)
   
   
3. Let someone read it!
   Oh, the horror! I've let some of my online writer buddies read my fixed chapter one and it was very well received! So happy about that - AND they want to read chapter two! So that is promising. I must have done something right ;) HOWEVER...online friends are just that: online. I need to let someone read it that sees me often and that I can get actual feedback from: body language, eyerolls...that sort of thing. Then I'll know if my rave reviews were the real thing or just online fluff. (I was told that my grammar sucks and that I'm too in love with commas, so I'm thinking the nice words were just as sincere ;) However, if my mom reads it, I'll be sure to know the truth!

So, those are my goals for the month! Can't go back now. Doesn't seem like a whole lot to do, so I am going to stay positive and press on...oh, and stop going to my online social clubs first! I think that'll be the hardest to do since I've been stuck indoors all winter long and, well, I've got a bit hooked with yacking it up online with my fellow peeps ;)

Drawing Nipples on Barbie

Ok, so my two year old daughter was given a barbie. I already have qualms about her having barbies period, let alone at such an early age! But I digress... She has the doll, loves it, plays with it often, however, she is perplexed about Barbie's milkies (this is what we call them as they produce milk...hence, they are Milkies...another blog, another time...)

Getting back to my initial point, I'm just as perplexed as my daughter. Barbie has a pair of panties 'drawn' on, however no bra. So that would make one assume that her breasts are bare. So, my two year old's question is obvious: where are her nipples?

My daughter is smart. She knows what a woman's breasts are designed for: the making and distribution of milk to her child. Therefore, this doll's body - that has left very little to the imagination (aka, her curves, her disproportionate breasts) - begs the question: where are her nipples?

Yes, yes...it's a toy. I know. There are tons of toys all over the place and none of them are accurate (planes are missing landing gear, cars don't have engines, some dolls don't even have noses, let alone nipples.)

HOWEVER, and here may lie the real question: what is wrong with children learning anything real about their bodies? If Barbie is going to have a va va voom woman's body, then she should either:

• a) have a bra 'drawn' on like her panties, or
• b) have nipples on her exposed breasts

And why not? She has the breasts! If the makers are going to go as far as to give her them, then why not complete the anatomy lesson.

Honestly, I would have preferred my two year old daughter to be given Amamanta Dolls which are not only anatomically correct, they are also available multiculturally and offer an educational opportunity, especially when trying to explain the differences between good and bad touches...

So, outside of getting her an Amamanta Doll set for her upcoming third Birthday, I still have to decide if I'm going to fix Barbie's boobies.I mean, what's wrong with nipples and children learning that they have a purpose?

You know what I think? I think there is a real reason for no nipples on Barbie...

So kids grow into adults who think boobs are only for one thing, and one thing only...sex.

Only, sex isn't the only use for nipples, and THAT, my friend - no matter how hard you argue or complain or cry or yell or waffle - is the God's honest truth.

To draw or not to draw...

What do you think I should do?

Let Me Lead a Simple Life...Blissfully Beguiling...

"Everything's so simple, and we make everything so complicated. That's why we're confused."
~ Vickie Downey, TEWA/Tesuque Pueblo
The Creator designed a very simple set of Laws for us to follow. If we follow these simple things, we'll be happy. If we don't follow these simple things, our lives become complicated. For example: Respect Mother Earth Love one another Be truthful Give to your brother and sisters Be gentle with each other Be happy Following these simple Laws will have great rewards.

Great Spirit, let me lead a simple life.

taken from A Cherokee Feast of Days

33 Coming of the Leaves...

I have seen 33 coming of the leaves...33 snow melts...33 Springs...Today is my Birthday...
Each year we are alive, we receive many gifts. Challenges that make us who we are. Revelations to steer us in the right direction. Visions that show us the way. And each year we live makes us wiser, not just older. Wisdom is the best gift of all, and the longer you live, the more wisdom you gain.

“Never mistake knowledge for wisdom. One helps you make a living; the other helps you make a life.” ~ Sandra Carey

So, today marks another year that I get to enjoy my life. And another chance to do something special for myself. Ever since I turned 30, I've given myself a Birthday gift of significance. Not anything that you can purchase in a store. Rather, something that I either do for myself that day or vow to do throughout the new year.

Last year, Birthday 32, I vowed to write my novel, to put myself first once in a while, and accomplish something that was indeed very special to me, my dream. And, through much delight and determination, I did it: beginning, middle, end.

My gift to myself at 31 was to take my health and my life into my own hands. To figure out what my 'mystery illness' was and get better! And I'm happy to report that I'm still alive - obviously ;) - found out what was wrong and am still working to fix it rather than cover it up as my good ol'doctor insisted I do (yes, yes...another blog, another day...).

Some years I do or vow to do something so private for myself that no one knows about it with the exception of me, myself, and I. That was my 30th Birthday present to myself. It was a very hard thing to do, something that was 14 years in the making, but I'm glad I finally did it. And, if my book ever gets published, you'll all know exactly what that gift to myself was! But you'll have to read the book to find out ;)

This year...33...

Well, I had a sad but important realization just this past weekend: I don't have many (if any) symbiotic friendships outside of my darling husband. And although most people don't even have that, I need to start surrounding myself with friends who put just as much effort into me as I put into them. I listen but seem to never be heard. I give and only give...and then give some more, only to be tuned-out the first moment I have something to say. Left the moment I do something I want to do.

I have no qualms in never having something returned to me. I'm a giver. That's what I do. However, I'm seeing more and more that if you only give and give and never receive, sooner or later you start giving away all that is you. Everyone deserves something in return, if only an ear to listen, a shoulder to lean on.

So, this year, I vow to no longer be the doormat to friends. I've already tried to rid my life of drama and toxic people, and it worked and I'm healthier for it! Except, I feel as though I only worked in the family territory, thinking that my friends were toxin free. That is not the case.

"Love yourself first. Put yourself first. Don't sacrifice who you are for anybody or anything. Don't put yourself in the backseat; don't deny what you know your truth is. That's what makes you amazing, and beautiful, and rare and an individual. And it radiates out like the most beautiful light. And with loving yourself, you will attract people who love you back."
~ Kimberly Elise

If you don't put yourself first, no one will.

Good Lovin'...Part 2: Open Your Mouth!

Ok, here we go... Good Lovin'...Part 2...

The other day in Good Lovin'...Part 1, we learned that getting rid of distractions can lead to better sex. However, removing the obvious distractions from the bedroom is only the beginning in removing all the toxic distractions from your relationship. What we need to do is remove all the things that create the shadows, clouding our view, darkening our chances for a more intimate relationship. We need to open our mouths and be open with eachother...

Now, now...Don't go running away just yet!

This is truly an important part of every relationship. And it's even more important to be able to talk openly and honestly with the one you have relations with... There's no better sex to be had than that sex with someone you can truly be yourself.

You can say what you want to, need to, and they not only return the favor, but don't run away or laugh in your face. It's totally freeing to be with someone that knows you, inside and out, and still they love you - like you - and still want to be with you.

It's totally mind blowing to be in such a relationship. The result: mind blowing sex! Yes, it's there, you just have to do the work.

And the work is tough. I know, I've been there.

You either grew up in a household that didn't talk openly and freely about your feelings or found that people withdrew from you when you did, so you learned to close yourself off to others, pretending to be someone you weren't just to keep the peace and keep everyone around you happy...

And then there are those of us that have been in abusive relationships, learning that sometimes, those who were closest to us were not people whom we could openly trust. Therefore we learned to further close ourselves off, escaping from our realities, trying to make everyone around us happy, expecting that, in turn, it would make us happy...

Only, it doesn't. And it never will. You can't make everyone and everything around you perfect and happy. It just can't be done. The only person you can make happy is yourself. Period. You can't change anyone either, for that matter. Only you can change you.

But we're talking about a relationship here, something that happens between two people. This is where the task becomes doubly-hard because open and honest communication cannot be one-sided. There has to be a constant and consistent effort from both sides to make it work. If one person is still not giving up the ghost: still keeping their feelings to themselves, hiding their emotions, not sharing their opinions, not talking about their doubts, not sharing nor following their dreams, there will never be the freeing experience that is necessary for self-expression.

Picture this...
You're in bed/on the couch/on top of the washer-dryer/on the kitchen counter top/on the dinning room table/in the back of the car/(insert your favorite 'get busy' spot here), cranking up the heat, getting your groove on, gettin' busy...and all around you are these things, all this unfinished business. Instead of bouncing around with your lover, you have all these things bouncing around in your head.

...Did he notice how much that comment hurt my feelings?
...She never apologies for anything...why?
...Why don't we talk anymore? We used to be so open with eachother...

These questions, looming around in the room, get in the way of true intimacy, true freedom. If you want to have better sex, it only comes with the high price of total disclosure. And honestly, what have you got to loose? Someone that you can't talk to? Someone you are afraid will leave you if they find out where your true passions lie? Why would you want to be with someone like that? Don't you deserve a wonderful relationship with someone who not only gets you, loves you unconditionally, but actually still wants to be with you, because they enjoy knowing you and getting to know what you're all about?

Think on these things for a while...


Then try this following exercise:
Read these following words, out loud, very, very s-l-o-w-l-y...

OPEN YOUR MOUTH

How did that feel? Do it again, and this time REALLY open your mouth, magnifying each and every syllable.

OPEN YOUR MOUTH

That is exactly what you have to do from now on if you want a better life, better relationships, better sex: Opening your mouth.

No more secrets. No more hiding your dreams in the closet. No more wondering.

Share your ideas!

Talk about your dreams and your aspirations!
Ask all the questions that pop up in your mind!
What have you got to loose?

It's up to you to start the conversations.

Get to work!


oh, and stay tuned for Good Lovin'...Part 3: Secret Indulgences...

Good Lovin'...Part 1: What is that doing here?!

I'm starting a mini-series of sorts about how to have better sex because, quite frankly, it's good for your health, good for the planet, and good for your relationships (yes, if you have better sex, toxic people won't piss you off as much anymore, if at all). You'll just imagine them NOT having sex and relish in the fact that you are having passionate blissful sex all the time...you'll be able to just smile ;)

So, how to have better sex...

Part 1...

There are quite a few things that you can do to spice things up in the romance department, however, I'm going for the throat on this one. And I'm not going to sugar coat it either. I'm just going to come right out and ask:

Do you have a TV, computer, work papers, exercise equipment in the bedroom?

If the answer is no...great! You get to pass go and collect your $200 (not from me, of course, but you get the picture.)

However...

If your answer is yes - you do have a TV or other distractions in the bedroom - let me ask you another question:

Do you want to have sex?

Because if your answer is YES, then what the hell are you doing watching TV all night when you should be rolling around under the sheets with your hottie? Don't you have a living room with a couch where you can watch TV? I mean, come on people...where are your priorities?!?!

The bedroom is for two things, and both start with the letter S...any ideas?

1. Sleep
2. Sex

And not particularly in that order either. Distractions in the bedroom keep us from not only blissful sleep, but blissful sex. If you want to have better sex, you need to get rid of the distractions in the bedroom.

And TV is the biggest distraction of them all.

"I made the error two years ago when I moved into my house to put a television in the bedroom," says Laura, 36, a marketing executive in Atlanta. "I'd never had a television in the bedroom before, and once you have it, it's hard to get rid of it."

Other distractions in the bedroom... 

"You should also get rid of computers, paperwork, exercise equipment—anything that might remind you of other things you could or should be doing after you've gone to bed," says Heath Magazine Online.

So, get to it. You have your assignment. If you want to have better sex, remove the major distractions from your bedroom and, with all the extra time on your hands, enjoy!

However, after you have spent an adequate amount of time enjoying each other properly, you are free to consume as much boob-tube as you like.

But beware:

The more sex you have, the better it gets, and the more you're going to want to have it!

So...get busy tonight! ;)


oh, and stay tuned for Good Lovin'...Part 2: Open Your Mouth!